Just like the most of humanity, I am officially terrified of the world we live in. I know we have all been overloaded with details, pictures, and videos from the Florida shooting, but it still has me shaken. After watching it live on TV while the shooter was still at large – I cannot help but fear for the world my girls are going to grow up in. It scares me to think about how people will be when they get to school. Will there be security guards at every door? Will they have to walk through metal detectors? Will teachers have to be armed in classrooms? Will my girls be afraid to leave the house with the possibility that their school is next?
Unfortunately, I don’t see anything getting any better – and that scares the shit out of me.
I hate fighting. I hate violence. But what I hate more is that I don’t think anything will really make the change we all want to see, as depressing as that sounds. We can take a stand and make our voices heard. We can make more mental health services available. We can speak up when we feel something may lead to another shooting or death. But if someone wants to get their hands on a gun and they want to kill people – they will.
I have always been very hippie’esque (yes, I made up a word) when it comes to difficult topics that cause angry debate. I have always stayed away from political discussions because I really don’t think just because you believe something different than someone else it should make-or-break your friendship or relationship. We are all unique human beings and we all have our own set of beliefs. This is something I hope Elora and Lucy will embrace and understand when it comes to themselves and those around them. But the one thing that bothers me most is when situations like the Florida shooting happen, everyone continues to debate and debate and what happens? Nothing. It all happens again.
It is a sick cycle and if people continue to focus on their differences and not listen to one another and find a solution, the cycle will continue. The cycle will continue and our children will be the ones at the next school with some mentally unstable child running the halls with a gun… or a knife or hammer or, hell, a blowtorch. I am not a fan of guns, but I know it is the person behind the weapon that makes the final decision to kill. We need to get to those people before they make these decisions. But will we get to them before they murder others if we continue to disagree and debate?
REALIZATIONS AT 3 MONTHS
Now that I have ended my venting session, I am lucky my girls have two very supportive parents that are absolutely in love with them – though we may not always see eye-to-eye politically. Again, you can have some different beliefs and still have a loving, successful relationship – it is absolutely possible. Love, balance, and patience are critical when it comes to parenting and relationships – this I have discovered over these crazy, crazy months. If you keep those three factors in mind, everything will be okay.
These girls, however, sure have made us think these past few months. One day they are downing each bottle at every feeding and the next day they barely finish half of their bottle at feedings. One night they sleep soundly in the same spot and the next night they are halfway down their crib and horizontal. They definitely keep us on our toes and, yes, burnout is real. That is why it is important to find time for yourself; find time to workout or grab coffee or be creative. Never forget to focus on your own happiness.
- No one talks about the slowdown when it comes to nursing/breastfeeding/pumping. After three months of pumping, I decided to stop. Since we started increasing the amount during feedings, I found I was having a very hard time physically keeping up. I knew it would not be an easy process, but I did not know how painful and frustrating it would be. People always talk oh-so positively about breastfeeding and nursing, but they don’t talk about what it is like to slow-down the process. Luckily I knew people who could share how they had slowly stopped pumping, but I find it frustrating that it isn’t something nurses, lactation consultants and OBGYN’s discuss at follow-up appointments. The slowdown has caused me to have low-grade fevers, body aches, headaches, nausea and horrible pain (all of this is supposedly normal). This needs to be something brought up at appointments so others can be more knowledgeable of how to go about doing it.
- Two babies are more than enough. Mike and I are absolutely fine with just having these two little girls. We are absolutely fine not ‘trying for a boy’ or ‘trying for baby #3 in the future.’ I also find it funny that people automatically assume we may want a bigger family. After my hellish pregnancy, I truly do not want to ever experience that again. Though it was fun feeling them move around inside, the pain and stress were horrid. Also, we both agree that we are perfectly content with it being just us and our little girls – and Theodore, of course.
- We have two social, small humans on our hands. The girls are beginning to babble and talk and focus much more than they have been in months prior. It is truly so fascinating to watch them as they look at pictures in books and listen to our voices when we talk to them. They are becoming their own little people with their own personalities. One has blue eyes, one has dark eyes. One has thicker hair, one has thinner hair. They both have completely different noses, cries, and body shapes. It keeps becoming more and more obvious how completely different they both are and we wouldn’t have it any other way.